Om nom.

It's almost that time o' the month, which means my appetite is monstrous.

Like, don't get too close to me or I may smell the remnants of last night's dinner on you and think that you are food. At which point, I will probably eat you.

If you don't believe me, let me lay out for you what my "meals" consisted of yesterday.

For breakfast, I had two bowls of cereal and some tea. As an after breakfast snack, I had an entire row of Chunks Ahoy! cookies. I then had a huge bowl of soup for lunch and started in on the second row of cookies. For dinner, I downed an enormous slice of lasagna and garlic toast. For the rest of the night I resisted the temptation to drive to Dairy Queen and buy a ice cream cake for myself.

Today has been worse! I'll spare you all the gory details, but let's just say that cupcakes for dinner seems like a swell idea. Shit, I'd eat a shoe covered in caramel.

To update you on my life very quickly, I will say that it's business as usual. I was thisclose to quitting Starpukes, but was spared by the sad eyes of an 18-year-old protege of mine. I am such a sucker for pathetic rhetoric - and cheesecake.

I feel guilty about neither.