pathetic

Okay, so I have a cold.

This is not the worst thing that could happen, however, I do hate getting sick. Especially now that I've started a new job at you-know-where. I am a complete man-baby when I get sick. I refuse to even attempt to function. Leave me alone...I'll be in the bitchcave.

I'm Miss Procrastination because of this slight illness, and I've yet to even start on this new project. I did make a cover page, though, so that makes me feel less like a loser. It's just that I still don't have my laptop back, and whenever I want to work on it I have to drive all the way to my office. And, my friends, I don't like doing that because gas is expensive as fuck. It's getting cheaper recently, which is a breath of fresh air. There for a while, I actually considered turfing the bitchmobile and replacing her with one of those sweet bikes with a basket on the front. But, then I remembered that I'm really lazy and I'd probably just end up having to bum rides off of people and regret selling my car. I am going to probably release the sunbird back into the wild when I move again. In a big city, cars are really just troublesome. Nowhere to park, traffic jams, etc. That's when I can finally make good use of a bus pass and a bicycle. Okay, probably just a bus pass. Plus, I look totally eco-friendly without a car.

Alright, Tootsie-cat and I are going back to bed now.

guess what....

Fuck yeah: I'm gonna vote.

I've never voted before, and then I got it in my head that, as a woman, I should take advantage of what ladies before me fought for. So, I'm going to make an educated decision, and then I'm going to put that decision in a box. Yeehaw!

Hey, I have a to-do list longer than my left arm. It's very discouraging.

And I'm also feeling the effects of a weak immune system. Sigh.

coffee and cigarettes

Just when you think things can't get worse, they get....better?

Okay, so that's not usually what happens, but I'm hyper-pleased to announce that I'm actually having decent days as of late. Hey, guess what? I'll make you a cup of coffee and tell you to have a good day, because I now work at you-know-where. I like when something good comes shining out of a garbage heap of a situation. I can't guarantee that grinding beans and blending ice will make me a happier person, but it's a start. It's something that I wanted, and for once, I actually got it.

Oh haaaay, guess wut? I'm back in the screenwriting saddle. With spurs this time. Yessir, I got creative the other night. I'm placing the blame on warm spinach and feta dip, and on my beautiful film-maker amiga, Emily. We consume food together and we get to throwin' ideas around like insults at a high school football game. I'm a lame-ass, so I'm not really at liberty to say what this offering will be about, but I will say this much: prepare to be AMAZED. Like, David Copperfield live in Vegas amazed. Like, I just ate my own head amazed. (!!!)

Dangerous, that girl is so dangerous, that girl is a baaaad giiiiiirl.

Yes.

lessons.

I'm right back where I started.

I have advice for those of you already wise enough to heed the warnings of those more experienced than you, and it is this: always know what you're getting yourself into before you dive into it. Otherwise, you'll end up in my situation, and trust me: you won't like it.

Sigh. Did I mention that the Futureshop guy had to send my computer across the continent? Code purple, kiddos. You know what that means? It means they don't know what the fuck is wrong with it. Francesco, the heavy set Italian Futureshop computer wonderkin, figures something is fried on the mother board. I'll have to take his word for it.

It's okay; public computers have a sexy danger about them that I'm getting rather used to.

oceanside?

That's it.

I'm leaving town. Again.

Sometimes things don't work out how I assume they will, and I have to be a grown up and deal with them. And so, I will leave town again.

But not until I get my laptop back. Obviously.

gee golly gosh

Stop shopping at Wal-mart. (!!!)

There's method to this madness. I snagged the current issue of Bitch and am now enlightened on the lady-hatin' ways of Wally-world. Seriously.

Did you know that Wal-mart is currently involved in the biggest class-action lawsuit ever? As many as 1.6 million former female employees are going after the company, citing things like lower wages than their male counterparts and less promotions than them. Not to mention that Wal-mart's got this nasty habit of not re-instating women after they've finished their maternity leave, and not providing adequate healthcare coverage. This is especially shitty, seeing as how women make up 70% of Wal-mart's hourly workforce. Then mix in the poverty level wages that Wal-mart offers and suddenly, well, at least my desire to shop there has gone away.

Wal-mart, you sly dog. You great big, Clifford-esque dog.

Works Cited:

Bitch magazine, of course and this article.

Isn't that cute? I cite my sources. This is quite possibly the first time I've ever bothered to back up my crazy mumblings.

In other news, I'm still living a public (computer) life. I tried to check-up on my baby yesterday, but I got no answers. Literally - Futureshop didn't answer their phone. I'm starting to think maybe she's been kidnapped, and the virus was all just an elaborate hoax. We'll see.

I'll just keep harassing them until they give her back.

ridic'lous

Oh, hey.

Yes, I'm blogging to you right now from a public computer. "Why?", you ask? Well, it's because my laptop is a complete and total piece of shit, you inquistive little thing, you. No kidding.

It's been acting rather peculiar as of late, and I couldn't comprehend why. Like Gizmo, I never got it wet, I never fed it after midnight, etc. etc., so I just couldn't seem to find a logical explanation for it to suddenly turn into such a little monster.

But so is the subterfuge of our technology ridden world - things just happen, and when they do, we take a mighty blow. I am nothing without my sweet, sweet lappy. I find my dependency really disturbing, and it never really occurred to me the full extent of my addiction until today, when Miss Compaq went buh-byes. I cannot recall a point in my life anymore when I was without the internet. I don't recall a time when I didn't have the ability to type and print documents, instead of handwriting them out. The prospect of handwriting anything now seems almost completely ridiculous. Why make others suffer my poor penmanship when I can make them suffer just as much with a font type like "Comic Sans"? There are some things I think do still require realworld interaction. Things like...shopping. There are two sides to this though, and I am no stranger to both sides. Example: while I do think that shopping online is a very hermit-y way of living, you can also find/buy some pretty kickin' stuff on the 'net. I have recently taken advantage of this fact - not gonna lie.

Another thing that I strongly believe should be done in person: job applications. Doesn't it seem kind of lazy to just...apply for a job in your pajamas? There's a certain mature and responsible quality that comes with the effort of scrubbin' up and hunting, genuinely hunting, for a job. Enough with this blanket application bullshit, I say. Like, did you know that I could have applied for Starbucks barista-ness on the interweb? Yessir! I would have saved like...$13 in gas money and about $37 in coffee money. (Sadly, I feel compelled to drink whenever I enter a 'bucks. It's the smell that does me in.)

Oh, another thing that should be done in person? Break-ups. Nothing makes you look like more of a pansy than saying "u n me just dont work n e more" over MSN. Example:

Fern says:
..but I thought you liked me?

Yet Another Guy says:
u r a qt, but we r just not rite 4 each other. l8r.

Exactly.

Technology has led us back into a time of primitiveness. Okay, maybe not, but I think you get what I'm saying. We have less compassion for each other than we used to, because things are just too convenient nowadays. It's meaningful social interaction that separates us from them, right? Right.

So, in the absence of my much beloved computer-on-the-go (who is currently having a sleep-over at Futureshop), I've turned to the ways of (as aforementioned) public computers. I'll be honest, I feel rather unclean? unsafe? using them, and I've got the urge to run home and wash my entire body with bleach. The keyboard as something clear-ish and crusty on it. Semen? Possible, but we can't prove it.

You're #1,

FMcG

P.S. I'm almost pretty sure that (so far) this is the longest blog you've ever had to suffer through, so congratulations!

interpretation

I hate how things are more expensive in Canada. Bust magazine, for example, is only $4.99 south o' the border. Canadork? A whopping $6.99. I mean, I still buy it, but in the words of my Nana: "Oh, for Pete's sake!". I ain't making any mo' money than they is. Sheesh.

Some interesting shizzle-nizzle is going down here in the next few weeks. Example: "Taking Back The Night '08" on the 26th, where a bunch of us cray-zee feminist types take to the back alleys and dark corriders of the city, creating awareness for harrassment and violence against women. It's more than that, though, as we're also rallying to get the streets safer at night for us dames. Gals should be able to walk alone at night without fear. Well, and during the day, too. My theme song for the evening? Suggestion - Fugazi. Yes! The best part? My darling Emily is coming over to participate, too. I'm more excited than Michael Jackson at a boy scout campout. Okay, that was uncalled for. (Sorry!)

Lady McGee is still waiting to hear back from potential employers? What? Yessir, still jobless; still a saint! I did secure a job at a clothing store, but when I discovered the uh...details of the position, I declined.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

As much as I'd love to lug boxes, work cash registers and clean toilets, I just had to say no. It was clearly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Clearly.

I'm still holding out for Starbucks. Oh, I know - shuddup!

tour of the stars

"And to your left, ladies and gentlemen, is the holy shrine of Fern McGee....

....Patron Saint of Unemployment."

Needz jawb. No kidding.

I scoured this little city in search of some way to fund my heroin addiction employment. What I got was writer's cramp from all the application forms. Starbucks, grocery stores, shoe stores, boutiques. You name it, I probably applied there.

I'm not so bad. I have a feeling some interviews will be literally flying my way.

Zoom zoom!

BTWz, OTC is a-O.K. That's your heads-up for the day.