Two Days Off

Yes, a whole two days!

But it's kind of like this: I bitch and moan about how much my life sucks when I have to drag my ass out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to go brew coffee and take shit, but then I get a couple of days off and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm like one of those experiment kids that they leave in a black room with no stimulation or emotion from birth until age 20 and then release into the world to study. Sad.

I got up this afternoon (don't judge), and promptly threw together a load of laundry and a pan of brownies, because I'm a domestic goddess. And then I sat my big ass down and got reacquainted with the dirty world of celebrity gossip. I haven't touched the stuff since fighting off my despicable addiction back in 2005, but today I dipped my toes in for just a quick feel of what the Holly-world is buzzing with. And do you know what I discovered? Not a whole fucking lot has changed. And I immediately remembered why I cut off all ties in the first place. Here's the big news:

1. Mel Gibson is a raging, racist psychopath.
Didn't we already know this? Didn't he already make a few distasteful comments that dirtied his good father image? Apparently now while he's not hitting his own infant son and import wife, he's raging about not having any money because of said family. If anyone is allowed to rage about not having any money, it's normal folks (like me). I'd bet downsizing a house or two and selling a few cars/designer duds might add some more zeros to the bank balance in a jiffy. Cock. Read about it here.

2. Lindsay Lohan is in prison.
Ha, we'll see how long that lasts. However, seeing as LiLo (unlike Mel) is actually poor these days, she doesn't have any money to buy her way out. And there are no dicks to suck in an all-female prison. Sha-boing!

3. There's this thing called Jersey Shore.
...which I imagine is a lot like "The Hills", which was also just "Laguna Beach", which all came from the afterbirth of fictional show "The O.C.". Actually, let's not kid ourselves - they're all fictional! Fortunately I gave up cable a long time ago, so I never have to subject myself to horrendous "reality" television programs.

4. I still don't like twitter.
And it's because it allows the continued whoring and self-promotion of already too-famous and spoiled "celebrities" who are really only famous for being...famous? Self-promotion is not a talent worth fame, folks. People do that at job interviews all the time, and you don't see them tweeting their opinions as facts and expecting results.

I have a brownie migraine setting in. Damn you, Betty Crocker!