reeeeeeeeckonerrrrrrrrrr

"And here is the holy shrine of Fern McGee....

...patron saint of constant reassurance."

I don't know what it is about me. You could build me a home in your heart, surround me with lilacs and babies and all the stars in the sky and breathe for the both of us, but I'd still doubt how you truly feel.

This is the thing about human beings; nobody is ever truly emotionally stable. I think it comes down to a confidence thing - if you have enough confidence in yourself, then you simply don't care if anyone gives two shits about you. I'm not hesitant to say that I'm a ghetto confident lady (obvvy), so I find it particularly interesting that I constantly doubt the stability of my relationships with people, whether they're romantic or otherwise.

There's so many contributing factors to the heart of a relationship, friendship...whatever. It starts with how much you know about a person, and then how much trust you place in them. The more you trust a person, the more comfortable you will become with them, to the point where you know longer doubt anything about them. I used to place a lot of trust in people, but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe in people when I am constantly betrayed. Yo, it sucks for sure, because I really hate not being able to just...be. So now I've got this "I don't need you" 'tude, and won't believe what anyone ever says to me, whether it be "I love you" or whatever else.

"Friend": "There's gum in your hair."
Moi: "Liar!"

Blah blah blah, I give up. I'm having one of those extreme moments where I can't find the words I need to find the words to make things make sense. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to always know how everyone feels. I need to be constantly reassured that I matter and that I'm important and that I'm needed. Otherwise, I simply don't want to bother, because I give up at even the slightest sign of weakness in someone. I just don't have the energy to fight for anything anymore.

You're gonna need to be patient with me.