Singles Going Steady*

Props if you get the title reference.

If anyone else talks about Christmas within the next 40 or so days, I'll shoot them in the face. Halloween barely ended by the time we saw the headlights of Christmas. I've already had three people wish me a "Happy Holidays". The first time it caught me off guard (I = wtf?), so I was like "hey, you too." Second and third time, it was more like "uhh, it's November. kthx."

So what is my big problem with the holiday season? Other than the fact that 'tis the season to steam eggnog (and cue me, eye-rolling), there's actually a lot. Here goes:

1) I am the furthest we can possibly get from Christian. Let's refer to it as polar opposite, yes? And, to the best of my knowledge, Christmas is kinda-sorta a Christian holiday. Clearly I shouldn't be hay-hoody-ho-ing over it.

2) Christmas is a family holiday; I have no family. My BFF on Christmas is a nice big cup o' "life water": up. Don't worry, I'm not too hurt about this.

3) Christmas isn't even a meaningful holiday anymore, Jesus lover or not. It's more about spending and getting and then feeling shafted for getting everyone such awesome, well-thought out presents and only ever getting socks and gift certificates in return. Example: last year I got my mom a ballin' gift set from the Body Shop (she eats that shit up), and she got me a hot pink, sparkly fuzzy bathrobe. Thanks a heap, madre; you clearly know me quite well (/not). I suppose I am perpetually 12-years-old in her mind.

So, there you have it. I don't like Christmas because it costs a lot and is depressing. I think that's enough justification for one night. Come to think of it, I could have just said that to begin with. Oh well.

Shout out: That guy from that place. You'll either get this reference because you're you and smart like that, or you'll miss this and feel like I'm a total bitch, but then you'll re-read this and feel like a fool. Either/or: I'm indifferent.

Takk, góða nótt!

Cheat sheet for the lazy:
*Buzzcocks compilation album, voted #358 on Rolling Stones top 500 albums of all time. Go out and flex that Mastercard muscle; you get what I'm sayin'?

P.S. I re-wrote the lyrics to "Don't Look Back in Anger" to be the theme song for this past Sunday. Filming didn't go so well because one of our main actors didn't bother showing up. I was about 30 seconds away from Godzilla-ing his ass when I finally got a hold of him and was told that he sincerely never got the memo; his junk email filter did it's job a little too well. So we're not looking back in anger at Sean O'B. Case closed.