infamous thursdays.

So, I've come to the adjudication that there are three types of sexual intercourse.

1) Having sex: this is your routine "hey, it's a Wednesday...you know what that means" sex. This is the kind of "doin' it" you do after being with someone for a long time. It's boring.
Often associated with: birth control pills; bickering; flannel pyjamas.

2) Making love: this is sex with a purpose - babies. The tender kind with the frou-frou name describes married-couple-looking-for-offspring sex, 70s casanova sex and the kind you have the first time you do it with someone you really, really care about. It's got the love factor right in the name.
Often associated with: a lack of condoms; fine wine; Barry White.

3) Fuckin': this is the dirty bitch sex. This kind happens randomly between two (or more) really drunk, really horny individuals, or between really freaky couples who are really into each other. There's no tip-toeing around this kind; it's loud, proud and rough. It's often regrettable, but never forgettable.
Often associated with: emergency contraception; copious amounts of tequila.

My main lady bought me an iPod for ho-ho. The new gal's name's Fjola and she's a charming shade of purple (obvvy). Don't worry, I haven't given Yolanda the ol' heave-ho. I can't just leave her like that after all we've been through together. BFFs!

I had an amazing time at Scooty and Dylan's place last night stealing kisses and getting felt up. I have to say, there's nothing more satisfying than having a gay man be jealous of your ass. Apparently, my backside is exceptional. E-dubz was a drunk train wreck and took a big old piss on the front steps of Scoot and Dylly's condo. NBD! Hilarious, regardless, and I hurt today from how hard I laughed last night. Incredible quantities of fun!

Siggy-Ho-Cho was in high demand today at SBUX. We made mad tippage which we are all very eagerly awaiting the divvying up of. You know, I love money. Straight up, there is nothing in this world that I love more. Actually, that's a complete and total calumny: there's nothing in this world that I love more than money and Bump. (<3) Bump, by the way, is a walking machine now! Can't nothin' hold her down, no sir. And Guppy is growing like a weed - at least 3 inches long by now, and a whole 2 ounces. We hung out tonight, Guppy and I, and I have a feeling that this new little person is going to be amazing. My sister is absolutely glowing.

Alright, I'm off like a dirty apron.

P.S. Bon Voyage, Emily. Have a ballin' good time in Maui, you lucky cunt!